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Short Tag Line:
we bought a bar that takes up most of our social time, but we love having company to break the ice!
I/We are looking for
After all this time we have found out what HWP means. And yes we are Here With a Purpose.
We have decided to join the growing group of people who have dedicated themselves to health and fitness and have begun working out religiously. Our excursions to the gym usually begins with a prayer:'Dear lord, please give me the strength to get ON the fucking bike this time................'
Yes, we take care of ourselves and will only associate with others who do. When we're hungry......WE EAT! We're fighting the effects of gravity just like everyone else our age. We remain as close to horizontal as humanly possible by pretty much laying around all day watching tv. The closer you are to the ground the less effect gravity has on your body right? Our bathing habits consist of a weekly trip to the community pool. Sometimes twice if no one has peed in it and it doesn't need cleaning again. Chlorine IS a disinfectant right? Our tooth gets a monthly brushing along with a nice healthy walk around the block a time or two. And we won't hesitate to take it out and show you how well taken care of it is if requested.
What we are looking for....... The winning powerball numbers, my other dress sock, and where she hid my christmas present. Oh, and if you happen to see my mind, I lost it too. We are looking for fun loving couples that don't mind laughing, even during sex and secure in their relationship. We are here to have sex! (I know shocker isn't it?) If we become friends, well then THAT'S the benefit isn't it? Single guys, she will find YOU. Don't ask him what she is into, her 'type' will take the time and know how to figure it out. It is solely HER decision but you MUST meet him FIRST. We're not above meeting for the first time and immediately getting down and dirty if the chemistry is right. EVERYONE must be on the same page.
Describe Yourself:
Fun loving cut-ups! We have been married over 25 years and are very secure in our relationship. We are not looking to replace anything missing, just wanting to share with others. We live IN the moment not FOR the moment!
She is an auburn haired, big breasted, fiery woman. A little shy at first, but once she gets started, stand back! She is a squirter, but you'll have to find the right combination yourself. While he thinks she is the perfect woman, she does have one flaw and that is she is highly allergic to animals. Nothing will ruin a night faster than someone whose eyes are swollen shut and is scratching like a flea bitten varmit.
He is a short little troll, ex-musician and ex-human being who now just sits behind a computer at his job all day getting fat. He is hung like a gopher and can't eat pussy worth a fuck, but is always good for a laugh. He is very silly and mostly at the most inopportune times but will be the butt of his own jokes before focusing his barbs on someone else.
We both attend the gym 10 times a week! Twice a day, every weekday. Once to drop our son off and once to pick him up. She has boundless energy when it comes to sex and can go for hours. If he stops, the portable defibrilator/stun gun is in his right back pocket. Please use responsibly.
We don't take ourselves serious. Or much else for that matter. We take being in the lifestyle serious to the extent that it is not the be all to end all, but we are here to have fun. We do not focus so much on looks but more what is inside. We're more into personalities than appearance. We do not discriminate, but there must be chemistry!
We are a very laid back couple. Sometimes to a fault, but we don't want to be known as THAT couple. You know, the ones people avoid because they're TOO aggressive? We know how to flirt and love the SEXY touchy feely flirting, not the 'let's see how far I can stick my hand up her nether regions while we're trying to conduct a conversation.' We are very shy until we get warmed up, but we do warm up quickly. If it's gotten to the point where you're thinking 'do these fuckers EVER shut up' and are interested in getting more intimate, someone missed the 'signal'. If we can't hold your attention for longer than five minutes, we get the hint, we will move on. We won't get our feelings hurt and we don't take it personal, but you can bet your ass we'll be making fun of you as we see you get shot down by the YHC. We put no pressure on anyone, including ourselves so being assertive (not aggressive) goes a long way with us.
We're more of the seize the moment types, don't believe in enduring an uncomfortable evening when the chemistry is not right. She has carte blanche to do what she wants, when she wants whether it includes him or not. We are members of Colette and attend lifestyle parties because we find less pressure in a social atmosphere. But do enjoy the occasional "date" with couples we feel comfortable with.
We have become friends with many people that we see outside of this environment. If we agree to meet you, we do not automatically assume you will want to have sex with us nor do we expect it. We do expect you feel the same. We do love hanging out with fun people. If things do not click sexually, we will not hold it against you and ask that you do not hold it against us. Sometimes it may happen on the second 'date'! ;-)
We haven't found anything we don't like yet (with the exception of water sports and hard core pain), so please don't ask what we are into. We are into SEX! For the intellectually challenged that is vaginal penetration. Another fella's penis in her and his in another lady. We both tend to be smart alecks at times and if you can hang with that, you're half way there.
She loves to dance, but if you see him 'dancing' call the fire department because his ass is on fire.
Tell us about your fantasies and/or real experiences.
Our biggest fantasy right now is finding someone who actually reads profiles before they shoot off an e-mail just because they saw the pictures or e-mails once then disappears. Our second is ......................... well you'll just have to get to know us, won't you?????
We are a FULL SWAP couple. While we respect the softies and have quite a few friends that are, we see no reason to get ourselves THAT worked up for nothing. We can stay home and have sex with each other and get just as turned on with foreplay. It's like going to a nice steak restaurant that serves all the fixin's and you have to bring your own steak. We'll always pass for the one that does serve steak.
She does enjoy men and women, but you better be willing to poke her with the salami when she's done with the lady. She can have hubby's anytime she wants and usually does whether he wants to or not. (refer to paragraph 2 sentence 1 if you don't understand.) She has a tendency to be turned off by men she doesn't know groping on her, but is VERY turned on by women groping on her (go figure, ). He is not bisexual, is not interested, nor "just never had the right guy".
Just a little note to those looking for 'just girl/girl play'. Go back to the place where you edit your profile and look at what the 'tame, hot, wild' icons mean and mark appropriately. For those entertaining girl/girl play with us, it is totally at the big breasted one's discretion and if agreed, there will be no problem as long as it is with the understanding that your man will be with the flat chested one at the local watering hole having a brew and watching a game or two. She has his number and can call them back when you ladies are done! Of course if your man HAS to be there, there will be no problem (provided the big breasted half agrees) AFTER your lady spends the evening with us (can't be too safe these days, we must make sure we can trust YOU first), without her partner, then she is all yours. If this is not agreeable, pass us by until you learn to swim in the big kids' pool.
What else would you like to say, do, see, hear about or learn about.
We do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, we are not stuck up or hung up on ourselves, nor do we think that we are the sexiest people in the world and set unrealistic farcical limits. We are 'Go with the flow' type people and are always open to new adventures or just repeating some old ones with new faces. We are here to have fun and meet others like us.
If you are still interested, drop us an email to just say hi, if nothing else. We only respond to e-mails when we have both read them, so please be patient. By the way, if you are a couple and want to send pics, make sure you are BOTH in the picture, please. The big breasted half likes eye candy too!
A little word about our certifications, those given and those received. Like everyone else just because we've certified someone or they have certified us does NOT mean we've had sex. Just like the certification rules say, we've met them in person and they are real. (some certainly certifiable, but a story for another day.) If you email us and ask to us to certify you (assuming we have met) please be up front and let us know you're simply using our certification to get with the 'in' crowd. We have no problem letting people know you are real. But when someone mentions you were certified by 'those ugly people' and you delete it we WILL make fun of you and let people know what you did.
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grantnbec
